While talking to a friend last night she asked me why I kept running from what God had for me. I told her, I was going to keep running until I ended up in the belly of a fish.
Current Location: In the belly of a really big fish.
Why I thought it was a good idea to challenge God is beyond me.
The question rolling around in my head for the past couple of weeks has been, "Why did I do this to myself?"
I knew that taking the job I currently have wasn't what I was passionate about. Yet I took it anyway. At first I thought I would stay for 3 to 5 years. Shortly after I started, I knocked that time frame down to 2 to3. After almost 3 months, I'm questioning whether I'm even going to make it to the year mark.
Why?
It's not because I'm not good at my job.
It's not because I work for an awful company.
It's not because I have horrid coworkers.
It's not because I hate the city I live in.
It's not because I haven't made friends.
It's because it's not what I'm passionate about. It's not what I'm designed to do. It's not where God has called me.
Want to know the sad thing about all of this? I knew all of those things before I moved in June.
God even gave me opportunities to pursue what he has made me passionate about and I turned and walked 180 degrees in the other direction! And for what? To make my parents happy? For a bigger paycheck? To prove something to myself? Because people told me I could do "more than that?"
All I have succefully achieved is making myself miserable.
This is not who I am. This is not where I belong. This is not where God has called me to be.
Have you ever run from God?
What was your experience?
What is your Nineveh?
Monday, August 27, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Being Biracial: A Rant
Today I went to get my new Wisconsin driver's license. I left work 30 minutes early to get their before it closed. The drive over was nice- no rush hour traffic yet. The DMV was surprisingly efficient. It took me less than 10 minutes to sign in, have my picture taken, and get called up by one of the clerks. I would have said it was the best experience I had ever had in a DMV!
This perfect reality came to a screeching halt all because of a .5 inch square box.
On the license application was a small box titled, "Race." Now, as a biracial individual and having had to fill out my race on multiple forms throughout my life, I am very much aware that this is not a simple task. Everyone has their own terminology they want you to use to indicate that you're simply multiracial. For me, that means I am White and Black.
Choose one:
"Other"
"Multiracial"
"Biracial"
Choose multiple:
"AA/Black"
"White"
"Asian"
"Native American/Pacific Islander"
"Hispanic"
I was fairly certain that those were the only options out there, but I needed to know which one this institution wanted me to answer with. They didn't have a nice list on the form, so I had to ask:
Me: "What are the options for race?"
Clerk: "White, Black, Asian, or Hispanic"
Me: "Well, I'm biracial. What do I put if I'm biracial?"
Clerk: "We actually don't have an option for that..."
Me: "So I can put two?"
**awkward silence**
Me: "So I have to choose one?"
Well, let me tell you. My entire perfect experience at the DMV went up in flames! How, in 2012, on an official government document, in the United States of America, is a multiracial person not able to correctly identify themselves! There is no way I am the only multiracial person up in this state! If I am, someone please tell me cause I have got to go!
When is America going to wake up and realize that it really is the melting pot that it was designed to be! Not only are all people not White anymore, people aren't just once race anymore either! It wasn't until 2000 that we could even self-identify as Multiracial on the Census!
Multiracial people were the fastest growing racial group in 2009! That was 3 years ago. At that point 5.2 million of us self-identified according to Census polls. The number of multiracial children is growing even faster. In 2011, the number jumped 50% to 4.2 million multiracial children!
Change is happening, and in a lot of ways, change is already here.
How are we going to handle it?
How are you?
Side note: I put White on the form, but I did contemplate putting "Black." However, I thought that that might cause lots of unnecessary issues with airport security.
This perfect reality came to a screeching halt all because of a .5 inch square box.
On the license application was a small box titled, "Race." Now, as a biracial individual and having had to fill out my race on multiple forms throughout my life, I am very much aware that this is not a simple task. Everyone has their own terminology they want you to use to indicate that you're simply multiracial. For me, that means I am White and Black.
Choose one:
"Other"
"Multiracial"
"Biracial"
Choose multiple:
"AA/Black"
"White"
"Asian"
"Native American/Pacific Islander"
"Hispanic"
I was fairly certain that those were the only options out there, but I needed to know which one this institution wanted me to answer with. They didn't have a nice list on the form, so I had to ask:
Me: "What are the options for race?"
Clerk: "White, Black, Asian, or Hispanic"
Me: "Well, I'm biracial. What do I put if I'm biracial?"
Clerk: "We actually don't have an option for that..."
Me: "So I can put two?"
**awkward silence**
Me: "So I have to choose one?"
Well, let me tell you. My entire perfect experience at the DMV went up in flames! How, in 2012, on an official government document, in the United States of America, is a multiracial person not able to correctly identify themselves! There is no way I am the only multiracial person up in this state! If I am, someone please tell me cause I have got to go!
When is America going to wake up and realize that it really is the melting pot that it was designed to be! Not only are all people not White anymore, people aren't just once race anymore either! It wasn't until 2000 that we could even self-identify as Multiracial on the Census!
Multiracial people were the fastest growing racial group in 2009! That was 3 years ago. At that point 5.2 million of us self-identified according to Census polls. The number of multiracial children is growing even faster. In 2011, the number jumped 50% to 4.2 million multiracial children!
Change is happening, and in a lot of ways, change is already here.
How are we going to handle it?
How are you?
Side note: I put White on the form, but I did contemplate putting "Black." However, I thought that that might cause lots of unnecessary issues with airport security.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
#Impresario
Today was a great day! Two of my friends from college came up to visit and we ended up spending hours milling around Madison and sitting out on the lake.
I brought up the topic of not knowing what I wanted to do with my life- or more specifically, not knowing the next step to take. I know what area I want to be in. Anyone who knows me well knows that I am all about sexuality and the Church. So now what? There aren't any well-developed graduate school programs dealing with sexuality as it has only recently become a hot topic. I don't know of any jobs that focus solely on sexuality and the Church (if you know of any, let me know!).
The more we talked, the more we realized that I do have an idea of where I want to go and what a next step could be. I have a few projects started, I've just never gone back to finish them. I'm too scared!
I know this is bigger than me. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't want to be in the middle of a controversial topic. I don't want to lose control of whatever kind of beast this will become.
One of my friends reminded me that God says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Even in those areas that I may feel weak, God has promised to remain faithful. He is waiting for me to step into the life He has for me. And let's just be real, it is ALL about Him to begin with.
Every moment I choose to live in fear and not step into the path God has set before me, I'm giving the evil one a small victory. God hasn't called me to live in fear!
So look out! because I have no idea what's comin'!
Quick shoutout to my girl, Keila! You should follow her on Twitter and check out her new project, Daddy Broke My Heart (Twitter), for all of us whose relationships with our dads were/are far from perfect.
 |
| Lake Monona |
The more we talked, the more we realized that I do have an idea of where I want to go and what a next step could be. I have a few projects started, I've just never gone back to finish them. I'm too scared!
I know this is bigger than me. I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't want to be in the middle of a controversial topic. I don't want to lose control of whatever kind of beast this will become.
One of my friends reminded me that God says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness." Even in those areas that I may feel weak, God has promised to remain faithful. He is waiting for me to step into the life He has for me. And let's just be real, it is ALL about Him to begin with.
Every moment I choose to live in fear and not step into the path God has set before me, I'm giving the evil one a small victory. God hasn't called me to live in fear!
So look out! because I have no idea what's comin'!
 |
| Amy, myself, and Keila |
Quick shoutout to my girl, Keila! You should follow her on Twitter and check out her new project, Daddy Broke My Heart (Twitter), for all of us whose relationships with our dads were/are far from perfect.
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