While talking to a friend last night she asked me why I kept running from what God had for me. I told her, I was going to keep running until I ended up in the belly of a fish.
Current Location: In the belly of a really big fish.
Why I thought it was a good idea to challenge God is beyond me.
The question rolling around in my head for the past couple of weeks has been, "Why did I do this to myself?"
I knew that taking the job I currently have wasn't what I was passionate about. Yet I took it anyway. At first I thought I would stay for 3 to 5 years. Shortly after I started, I knocked that time frame down to 2 to3. After almost 3 months, I'm questioning whether I'm even going to make it to the year mark.
Why?
It's not because I'm not good at my job.
It's not because I work for an awful company.
It's not because I have horrid coworkers.
It's not because I hate the city I live in.
It's not because I haven't made friends.
It's because it's not what I'm passionate about. It's not what I'm designed to do. It's not where God has called me.
Want to know the sad thing about all of this? I knew all of those things before I moved in June.
God even gave me opportunities to pursue what he has made me passionate about and I turned and walked 180 degrees in the other direction! And for what? To make my parents happy? For a bigger paycheck? To prove something to myself? Because people told me I could do "more than that?"
All I have succefully achieved is making myself miserable.
This is not who I am. This is not where I belong. This is not where God has called me to be.
Have you ever run from God?
What was your experience?
What is your Nineveh?
Sydney, you know my story...and I'm convinced that we run out of our own forgetfulness. We forget how amazing it is to take a leap of faith and fly...
ReplyDeleteAlmost like the enemy fogs our minds and all we can see is a leap and a fall when we know very well that God has never failed us! I encourage you, as you answer the question, "Now what?" that you ignore the fear of instability. Ignore the sunk costs. Ignore the enemy's prodding for understanding everything ip front cause it just won't be that way. Faith is not faith if you can see the way.
Yes, it's scary. But the joy to follow is incredibly overwhelming. Trust and obey. Know that I'm praying for you every step of the way! <3