We Teach Life, Sir

If you're not aware of what has been going on in Gaza and Israel this week, go get yourself caught up. Then watch the spoken word piece below by a Palestinian woman. 

While listening to this poem, I was surprised by how much I felt for these people- Israelis and Palestinians alike. I was pleasantly surprised. Mourning for the loss of life overseas made me feel human. 

I can't even imagine what it would be like to grow up or live in an area where bombs are consistently going off. Even, in the USA there are children who live in places where gunshots are what they fall asleep to every night. The violence and hatred in our world is insane. 

Regardless of how you feel about the situation, allow this piece to move you. We are all human. We should all be teaching life. 

Internalized Racism

Being biracial (black and white) can be difficult. You know what is even more difficult? Having biracial siblings.

Most of my life has consisted of re-learning the lesson that no one else thinks like me. This includes members of my own immediate family, who grew up in relatively the same environment as I did.

At times, the ways in which this lesson is reiterated can be extreme.

A few weeks ago, one of my siblings visited me in Madison. It seemed as though every other thing that came out of his mouth was some joke about a racial stereotype or prejudice about people of color. Black people. Asians. Latinos. On and on and on.

None of them were racist, per se, and I never responded to any of them, but I didn't like it. They weren't amusing to me.

The kicker came on Sunday.

We were walking back from church. There was a group of 4 black male college students walking down one of the streets. Now Madison is a pretty white city, 85%, and the downtown area is particularly white so it is a pretty rare occurrence to see any people of color.

My brother of course pointed it out- "You never see black people by themselves. They're always together."

Okay, sure, whatever, I thought. But I'm pretty competitive and I like to prove people wrong, so on the next block when I saw one black male college student walking by himself on the other side of the street, I naturally had to point it out. This black male student just happened to be walking a few yards behind a single (as in there was one) white female student.

My brother glanced across the street and said, "He's probably gonna rape her."

I didn't even know what to do. I was in complete shock. I stopped dead in my tracks on the sidewalk and I looked at him, probably with my mouth hanging wide open.

In that moment, all I wanted to do was curse him out. He should have been grateful that he was my little brother and not my peer.

As a black person, I was offended.
As someone with a black father, I was offended.
As a freaking human being, I was offended.

How, as a black person, could he say something like that? That student is our cousin, our other brother, our father 20 years ago!

Negative and racist stereotypes about black men had been fed to my brother, who is a black man, and he just spits them right back out as jokes!?

What does it say about the society we live in when a person (a minority) can say something offensive that criminalizes themselves, their brother, their father, and half their family and not think anything of it?

A Friendly Reminder

The more I talk with girls and women who are dealing with porn addictions the more upset I get (and that is putting it nicely). The destruction that an addiction causes to someone’s life is huge and so painful to witness. The hopelessness in their voice and their perceived isolation haunts me. I remember that. 7 years ago really isn’t all that distant in my memory.

Recently, I was made aware of a woman’s experience that is probably far too common. When she was in high school, she told a few of her closest friends, women who attended her church, that she was addicted to pornography and masturbation. After her initial disclosure, they never talked about it again. Her friends never brought it up, never mentioned it, and for all practical intents and purposes went on living as though she had never said a word about it to them. To this day, some 6 years later, she is still in the midst of these addictions.

To those of you who have had a friend tell you that they struggle with porn or masturbation and have chosen to ignore the subject, STOP IT. The worst thing as an addict is when you somehow muster up the courage to tell someone about your shameful, dirty secret life and they act as though you’d never told them. To me that’s worse than someone telling you to “just stop” looking at porn or masturbating. At least they are acknowledging that you shared your struggle with them even though they aren’t doing it in a helpful or effective way.

I understand that it may be uncomfortable for you when your friend tells you about their addiction. If you don’t know what to say or how to best support them, find something or someone who can help you help them! There are books and online resources to read and pastors and counselors for you to reach out to.

Most girls going through an addiction don't want to tell their friends because they don't want to burden them with their problems. By ignoring them or being silent about the issue you are affirming that idea.  

Let this be your friendly reminder: don’t notice your friend is drowning and choose to look the other way.