Confessional: Modesty & Pride

Since I've been writing on this topic of modesty for the past 2 days, I thought I would sum up this mini series with a post about how this idea of modesty led to deep sin in my life.

Pride has always been a struggle for me. Most likely because I'm relatively quiet and reserved, people often view me as this humble, sweet, put together person. But really I'm just prideful. That's it. And I have good reason to be...I follow all the rules, I think before I speak, I'm disciplined, and above all I understand that bikinis are immodest and thus should not be worn by Christians. Fact.

I mean really, how much more straightforward do you want God to be? I had always despised people putting words in God's mouth and yet here I was doing that very thing. Conveniently, Scripture has a passage for the in Matthew:

These verses hit home for me because of my self-righteous tendencies. It's so much easier to look at the obvious mistakes others are making (or appear to be making) and avoid introspectively examining our own hearts or dealing with our own pain. By focusing on condemning others because of their choice of swim attire, I was completely avoiding addressing the hurt that I was experiencing with regards to this topic. 

It also allows us to avoid our fears. What was I afraid of? That I wasn't a good enough Christian. I reckoned that these girls who were bikini clad had to be worse Christians than I was, thus making me a step higher on the Christian hierarchy. All I have to say is, good thing there's not one of those! 

Praise God that He is gracious and that even in the midst of my sin He loves me and still bestows upon me His mercy and freedom! 

In what areas are you prideful or self-righteous? 

In clinging so tightly to your pride, what are you hiding or avoiding? 

What are you afraid of?

Modesty: A Definition

I really should have given this post a different title because there will be no clean cut definition of modesty given here. But, if you would like to read my musings feel free...

As I mentioned yesterday, I believe that modesty has very little to do with the clothes one chooses to wear. I do think that can play a part, but lets be real, the underlying motives of your choices and actions are what's really important. My choice to dress "modestly" most of my life was fueled by the idea that my body was hurting the men around me and that it was my duty to protect them. Ehh, wrong! All that caused was pain for me and pain for others.

As Christians, our motive should always be to serve God and to draw others towards him through love. In doing so we have to recognize that although we are totally unworthy of the grace He has bestowed upon us, we have been adopted into His family and are His children- justified and perfect in His sight.

That being said, the way we live should radiate from that. This leads me to some of my favorite passages on "modest" living, found in Proverbs.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life (1). Put away perversity from your mouth, keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; keep your foot from evil (2,3). Proverbs 4: 23-27 

She is clothed with strength and dignity (4,5); she can laugh at the days to come (6). She speaks with wisdom (7), and faithful instruction is on her tongue (8).  Proverbs 31: 25, 26

Here are my takeaways:

1. Don't become emotionally attached to people who aren't your spouse/significant other or friend...most people would say particularly members of the opposite sex and in most circumstances, I tend to agree. 
2. Pursue God wholeheartedly and keep yourself focused on Him.
3. Figure out what you're passionate about and do it! 
4. Live a life that is honorable- one of integrity and authenticity. (i.e. don't gossip, mislead, hang all over guys, flirt with every guy you see...you get the point) 
5. Carry yourself like you are somebody! After all, you are a child of the most high God. 
6. Don't take yourself too seriously. (I for real need help with this one!)
7. Ask God for wisdom and discernment and use it! 
8. Don't shy away from being an example to others...realize that people are always watching you. 

Ultimately, I want people to understand the immense amount of freedom that is ours because of Christ's sacrifice, even in living modestly, and I would venture to say because of it! I would encourage you not to apply modesty to one area of your life, such as the clothes you wear or the things you say or the way you interact with members of the opposite sex, but really integrate it into the person you are. Can you tell I'm a fan of holistic and integrated living?!

I think that immodest living often comes from pursuing things that can only be ours through Christ. Things like acceptance, unconditional love, significance, peace, and joy. Even freedom. Evaluate your motives. Where is your heart? What are you really searching for?

Have any thoughts on modest living or any favorite verses on the subject? I'd love to hear them!

Modesty: What's In A Word?

Answer: A whole hell of a lot! As I mentioned in my intro post, I grew up in an Evangelical home attending an Evangelical church and thus I learned from an early age that modesty was of the utmost importance. In fact, girls should take it upon themselves to protect their seemingly powerless brothers in Christ from the temptation and sin of lust! We do this by following three simple guidelines:

1. No tight jeans/short skirts!
2. No cleavage! (i.e. must wear color coordinated tank top under V-neck/low cut shirt at all times)
3. Absolutely NO BIKINIS!

Let me be the first to tell you that training girls like this is harmful in so many ways. For me it produced a kind of self-hatred. I didn't realize this until a few months ago when reading another blog on this topic. As an adolescent girl I always felt like I didn't have any body image issues. My nose wasn't too small, my lips and ears weren't too big, my hair wasn't the wrong color, and I loved food too much to stop eating it!

But I did have issues. My face was too beautiful and body was too attractive. Every time someone told me how pretty I was I cringed inside. Every time a guy looked at me in that way I felt like I was letting them down. There were even multiple times that I asked God why he made me look like this!? 

So for all those people who consistently ask me why I've never dated and why I'm not dating, here's your answer: "I'm not comfortable with a man being attracted to my physical body." And that is a damn shame. Because God did make me look like this. He made me in His image- heart, mind, soul, and BODY- and He is beautiful, so why shouldn't I be? Not to mention, the physical part of any relationship is also very important!

I had these crazy fantasies about finding a guy who, when I asked him why he liked me, would say things like my intellect, my sense of humor, my passion for truth and justice, my desire to know God...and who wouldn't mention my physical body. Turns out, guys don't exclude that last part, and I'm glad! PS~ if they do, they're 1) lying or 2) not the guy for you! (actually if they're lying to you, they shouldn't be the guy for you either)

I'm not saying that the idea of modesty is something to be thrown out the window, but I do think it's something we need to reevaluate. Maybe I'll post my thoughts on what I consider it to be tomorrow ;)

Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I have broken a couple of the modesty rules: I love skinny jeans and no longer wear tank tops under all of my V-neck/low cut shirts. However, I have yet to break into the world of bikinis...but I am going on a cruise in October. The jury is out.